You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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