Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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