The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
