When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
