Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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