when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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