I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
