oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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