I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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