it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
