she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
