he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
