i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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