Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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