Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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