That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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