So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
