we're chasing vodka with high fives
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
