Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
