One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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