I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
