So drunk, too bad you don't want this
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
