woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
