fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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