i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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