is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
