Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
