Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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