Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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