Just cropdusted the office
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
