moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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