i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
