Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
