What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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