I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Help. Why am I so naked?
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