You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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