Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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