this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
