No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
