Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
