My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
