can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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