i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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