Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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