so explain again why im purple
no
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
