dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
