Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In other news, I just burned my penis
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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