I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
