dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
