My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
sex in a hospital.. check
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
