The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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