you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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