Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
