$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
