Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize