HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
