i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize